it's time to commit.

The time has come.

Yesterday, I sat and read People magazine's "How They Lost 100 lbs!" issue and it brought me to tears. I became so overwhelmed with jealously, hope, and inspiration. These women did it without surgery, pills and dieticians/trainers/nutritionists. They did it by sheer will and determination. I cried because it dawned on me, when did I give up on myself?

Weight has always been a constant struggle for me since I was a kid (I'm 33 now). Coming from hearty Pacific Islander roots doesn't help either. I was constantly called, "taba" - which is Taglog for "fat." Constantly told, "You'd be so much prettier if you just lost weight," "You have such a pretty face, but you're so taba," or my personal fave, "Wow! You're so healthy!" As for family, both my parents are average-to-thick. My older brother has always been a big guy (mostly muscle, of course). But my little sister is a size 6 (but religiously works out with her personal trainer, 3-4 times a week) and my little brother has always had a speedy metabolism.

Recently, it seems like everyone around me has been reminding me how big I've gotten. I've been called "fat" or "fat lady" by little kids and two ladies (one being my MOM!) came up to me, patted me on the stomach and asked, "Are we expecting?"

So, I say this now. The time has come. I'm going to blog here about what I ate today. How I'm feeling. My ups and downs about losing (hopefully, not gaining) weight. How I miss carbs. This blog will make me look OCD about food, but really - if that's the step I'm going to have to take... SO BE IT.

I vowed last night - Chris as my witness - that I am going to treat working out as a job. My work week NOW starts at 4 a.m., 5 days a week. Seriously. If I have to cut out going out during the week, then it's going to be done. I need to get serious about implementing exercise in my day.

I want to be a 100 lb loser. I want to be happy being me.